Do you think 4 months is too early to "cry it out"? Most times he pretty much cries him self to sleep anyhow being walked around, or rocked, or bounced....I tried putting him in his crib to cry. But I couldn't.....and wound up getting him after about 15 min. He's not AT ALL a self soother and I know it's a good thing to get him to be. I had to keep telling myself, he's not in pain...but then I convinced myself that I WAS now cosing him pain. Maybe, what I should do....is put him in his bed....but not leave. Every now again say something...or maybe I should sing to him. Do that for the week, and then leave the room. Maybe coming every now and again to soothe him but not for long....
I don't know....haha....can you tell I'm frazzled!!!??
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I found the following question & answer on the No Great Joy site. There might be something in it that will give you something to pray about. Even though the question is concerning a 7 month old baby, it might give you some direction. Raising godly children requires daily prayer for divine guidance and wisdom, for sure!
ReplyDeleteDear Pearls,
I am a pastor’s wife and have a question for you. Is it right to spank a 7-month-old for crying when put down for bed? I grew up with just ignoring the child, thus training them that they will not get their way. My husband wants it to stop all together. I know all the verses for training a child, but I am not sure how to approach this situation. I know you will give me a straight answer.
Charity
Debi Answers
Dear Mama,
Different families feel differently about this. Most babies quickly learn to adapt. Train your baby to become familiar with a special blanket or soft toy that she gets when she goes to bed. One of our friends uses white, soft, worn-out pillow cases so that she gets a fresh clean one each day. Babies find comfort in the familiar. Also, they like to know that they are not alone or abandoned. So keep a light on, a ticking clock in the room, or their door open so they can hear noises from the other room. Daddy needs to be in charge, and you need to learn to trust and honor his judgment. If you don’t, then the children will never trust and honor you. He is the head, and you are the heart of the home. Let the head decide, and the heart makes those decisions sweeter.
Debi Pearl
Mike adds his two cents:
The above question is loaded. Since we do not know your attitudes or the details of your circumstances, it is impossible to give a yes or no answer. But I do caution: A 7-month-old is too young to be spanked as such—too young to be punished. They do not have any understanding of good and evil (Deut 1:39; Is 7:15-16; Romans 9:11) and cannot reason weighty matters. But the 7-month-old is already learning the dark art of self-will, and must be wisely, gently, and firmly constrained to yield to authority.
The very nature of authority is the power to constrain to obedience through enforcing negative consequences. “A child left to himself will bring his mother to shame” (Proverbs 29:15). Leaving the child in the bed to cry herself to sleep is indeed a negative consequence, and may be used as a last resort, but it is a result of a failure to train and is not the most effective training. Obviously, we wouldn’t want to see her crying herself to sleep on a regular basis, any more than we would want to spank her every evening. Difficult measures and unpleasant con-sequences should be thoughtfully employed so as to effect a positive change very quickly—in two or three nights. If negative consequences are not soon productive, they become counterproductive. So before I would resign to allowing her to spend her evenings crying, I would try other measures first.
Arrange circumstances so as to lull the child to sleep in a peaceful and natural manner. Don’t keep her up until she is exhausted. Don’t try to put her to sleep when her heart and respiration are racing from excitement. Be consistent in the details of how she is put to sleep each time. Create a thirty-minute “unwinding” ritual that ends with laying her down to sleep. Once you condition her to expect to yield to your overtures, she will lie down and sleep with only minimal suggestion, and even in more distracting circumstances.
(to be continued in next comment)
When you have taken the child through her night-time paces and left her to sleep, never, never allow her to come out of the snooze mode and become active again. To do so is to leave her with the belief that time and place of sleep is left to her discretion. Humans are made by God to operate according to stimulation. Things that activate any of the senses are stimulating and pleasurable. Children love pleasure, and they love to be stimulated. They so love excitement that they will fight going into the “shut-off” mode. Wind them down gently so sleep comes naturally.
ReplyDeleteIf the child has been mistrained, or if you have failed to provide a good prelude to sleep, and the child rises up to fight and resist, you should evaluate your whole procedure so as to improve your pre-sleep ritual for tomorrow night. But for the moment, you must constrain the child to obey authority and remain lying down. As a last resort, you may have to prove the power of your word by enforcing it with one or two stinging licks (applied with a small flexible switch) to the child’s leg that says to the child, “There is no reward for getting up; Mama means business; she is not going to give over to my demands; the path to greatest pleasure is to go to sleep; there is no alternative; my parents always get their way; what can I say? Good night.”
Commands are not negotiable; authority must be obeyed. The soul of the child needs that kind of authority in her life to be stable emotionally and to develop a will to accept discipline.
Finally, if you are angry or frustrated, do nothing more than allow the child to cry herself to sleep. You are momentarily unfit as a trainer. Get your head and heart together and do better tomorrow night.
Jessa that is good advice.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you that Jeremiah was about 4/5 months when I started to let him cry himself to sleep. He did pretty good most of the time, but when he was having a bad night and I tried to make him happy and nothing worked I laid him down and he cried himself to sleep. I set up my pack and play in Livingroom and that is where he cryed himself to sleep. That way I could get things done but still keep an eye on him. I did not pick him up.Eventually he was over it and I have been laying him down for naps and bedtime with no problem for quite a few months now. As soon as I lay him down he is asleep. He knows crying is not gonna help.
I am sure you will get different opinions on this subject, but that is what worked for me. It is hard, but only for a few days. He will get the picture. If it is just to hard for you, maybe Levi can do it. Sam is the sucker in our relationship, so I did all the "dirty work" hA!!!!
Call me anytime and I will talk to you if you need to.
Thank you both SOOO much!! Ironically he was a perfect angel all day today/yesterday. We did our normal stuff and he went right to sleep. I can't even tell you how wonderful it was after the last week or so. But....we will see how tomorrow goes.
ReplyDeleteLevi's sooo the stronger one. I'm just the plannner. Noah's started to grab my glasses. So we pinch or flick him now when he does it. That I can do. The crying thing....that was rough. I went to take a shower so I wouldn't hear and left Levi. BUUT He was still crying after I came out...Levi was fine....but I couldn't.....it sounds pathetic but I may have to go for drive. I'll have too....I don't want my child to be a monster!!!!
oh Sis. Tammy you have NOOOOO idea how much I wanted to call you that one night!!The time differance was an issue though. =) I'm going to have to try and give you a call some afternoon though!!!
ReplyDeleteSis. Smith thank you for looking that up! It was perfect! Oh and thank for the reminder to pray. You know that scripture in Proverbs. "...and lean not on thine own understanding." Ya..that's been me.
ReplyDeleteJessa Sam and I usually stay up real late.I head to bed around 11-12 midnight. But don't you worry about that..call anytime.
ReplyDeleteIf going for a drive is what needs to be done..I would say do it. It will only take a few days and he will be trained.
ReplyDelete